i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
