Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize