a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
