Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
