I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
