Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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