am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
