What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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