Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
