And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize