respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
