I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
