just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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