if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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