It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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