I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
