I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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