yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
