If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
