cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
