:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
