U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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