I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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