Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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