he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
