$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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