then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
