You just made me feel so damn special
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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