i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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