just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my liver is dry heaving
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
