I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
