My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
