I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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