I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
