when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
