I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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