Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
