I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize