Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
