so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
