just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
