By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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