Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
