your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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