I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
