He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
40s are totally the cure
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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