i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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