You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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