Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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