She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thus making me awesome and them whores
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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