Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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