did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
