Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
