I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
