try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
