I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize