The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize