i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
