im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
