Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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