LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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