I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize