this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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