I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize