why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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