Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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