I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize