he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
3pm strippers are depressing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize