This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
