Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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