She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
