I'm sorry my penis didn't work
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
