We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
