By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
