I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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