a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
