so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
