she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
