I got chris browned last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize