All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
