i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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